44 - LGBT Recovery Community

David was a guest we had on episode 12 last January. He talked about his journey from addiction to sobriety. That David was a totally different David than today’s David. After the episode, he joined the military, had a relapse, and became sober again. We talk about his journey and the LGBT recovery community.

He shares how the military was a scapegoat for him, but it didn’t work out. He ended up getting discharged and going on a party bender right afterwards. He then went back to detox for a week and spent 90 days in Rock Recovery. He has been sober for eight months now and shares the entire story with us.

Show Notes

• [01:56] David was here at the beginning of the year in Episode 12. He had a slip after the episode was recorded. He has since been sober for about 8 months.
• [02:00] David joined the military and had a mental and emotional relapse before the physical relapse.
• [03:03] Recovering addicts and alcoholics are some of the most accepting people on the face of the planet.
• [03:58] David about nine months ago talked about his journey and going into the military.
• [04:32] When he knows people are going to tell him something opposite from what he wants to do, he just doesn't talk about that thing.
• [04:55] In the back of his mind, he thought that joining the military would be a way to leave and use again without people knowing.
• [05:43] He discovered that the military environment wasn't the most supportive emotionally, plus he was being messed with for being gay.
• [06:09] The Baker Act means you spend a week in a psych ward and then he got a medical discharge.
• [07:15] After his discharge, he went on a party binge.
• [08:02] He was in the military for three months.
• [09:55] He did learn discipline and a code of ethics while he was in the military.
• [11:55] After his binge, he went back to detox for a week and then 90 days in Rock Recovery.
• [12:14] He has a new sponsor and has been sober first. He went through the steps in the book.
• [15:43] From David's experience, LGBT people want to be treated equal, but they want their struggles to also be recognized.
• [17:08] The common denominator between all of us is that all addicts have the same type of issues.
• [22:49] How some gay people may feel that making themselves vulnerable and showing who they are is showing weakness, so they use deflection to stay apart from the group.
• [23:39] Many gay guys take on the identity of stereotypes, because that's what society tells them is their role.
• [24:43] Doing the steps and finding a higher power can help someone become more comfortable with who they are.
• [25:35] You can grow from the steps. You figure out what defense mechanisms you use in your life with other people, and then you can change them and grow as a person.
• [26:03] Being vulnerable is a key step to recovery.
• [29:18] Things that we can't control don't need to differentiate us so much that we can't bond with other people. Our underlying experiences and emotions are similar.
• [31:14] If we look at our similarities instead of looking at what makes us different, our experiences are going to be so much greater.
• [31:19] If you get vulnerable, other people around you will get vulnerable.
• [36:36] We all have different issues. Gay people can have different issues in therapy, but a lot of us have the same issues. Everyone has traumatic events.
• [39:29] David tries to treat people the same and not look at them as being different. The only thing about being gay that sets him apart is that he's attracted to men.
• [40:41] Ben gets David's opinion on transgender people.
• [42:31] Ben also asks David about LGBT exclusive recovery meetings. David thinks these might be distracting.
• [44:55] While doing steps, people don't really have an idea about who they are. It's not the best time to be in a relationship to give love and respect.
• [45:38] Know who you are before getting in a relationship.
• [46:14] Exclusive meetings can be closing yourself off.
• [47:17] Gay men may be more prone to sex addiction. Sometimes people can get confused as sex as love.
• [51:03] It's very easy for gay guys to find hookups.
• [54:22] David suggests not to only hang out with people in the gay community when you're a gay person in recovery. Also, stay off of the dating apps. Open up and share your story. Use your drug addiction experiences as a beacon of light.
• [56:56] Ben is super proud of David, he is nailing quality sobriety.
• [57:42] Giving back to the community is what keeps him sober.

Links and Resources:

Ep. 12 - A Discussion with David, His journey from Addiction to Sobriety