40 - A Child of an Alcoholic

We have a very special guest today, it's my wife Amanda Conrad. Amanda has a lot of knowledge to offer. Many people in her family have struggled with addiction. She is here to talk about what it is like growing up with addiction and being the only one not struggling with it.

Some of the things we discuss are how behaviors that she thought were normal actually weren’t. She started to realize this when she was around other families. We also talk about why Amanda was never an addict, how Amanda had to set boundaries with her father, and more.

Show Notes

• [02:35] Amanda and I have been married just over 4 years. I am an alcoholic and a drug addict.
• [02:56] Addiction played a role in Amanda's life well before me.
• [03:11] Her father started drinking when Amanda and her sister were in the 4th or 5th grade. He was sober for 3 or 4 years.
• [04:17] Being a dry drunk in the recovery world is when someone just stops drinking, but they don't work on anything.
• [04:51] Amanda sister also struggled with depression, eating, and cutting. She has a lot of addictive tendencies.
• [05:20] She would hide the food or sneak.
• [05:35]  Amanda's brother smoked pot and used drugs and alcohol which caused a psychotic break.
• [06:22] Amanda has no idea why she didn't become an addict, she thinks a lot of it has to do with going to private school and the Christian aspect of things.
• [09:14] Fear of relapse and addiction creeping in is a problem for Amanda. She is co-dependent without knowing it. There are things she accepts that aren't normal.
• [10:41] She thought it was normal for her dad to get drunk or drink in the car. These things are toxic and unhealthy.
• [12:18] Amanda surrounded herself with families that she wanted her family to be like. Like moms that baked cookies. This allowed her to see that her dad's behavior wasn't healthy.
• [13:36] Addicts are the last ones to know that something is wrong. They don't believe that their behavior is affecting the people around them.
• [14:29] A lot of stress and unmanaged emotions probably played into Amanda's father's addiction.
• [15:11] Drinking can creep in and take over your life before you know it.
• [15:44] She has cut her father out of her life. This is the best boundary that she could set.
• [16:17] She was seeking love from her father. He would choose alcohol over being present.
• [17:07] Not all alcoholics hit rock bottom, but this is what it sometimes takes to clean up their life.
• [17:38] Amanda's fear of relapse comes from seeing the destruction of her family.
• [18:41] Anyone can become an addict by the simple choices that they make.
• [19:27] There was something calm about Tom that attracted Amanda to him. She felt safe.
• [22:13] Amanda still sometimes reads things based on the environment that she grew up in.
• [23:01] Her dad would raise his voice when he was drunk. Tom hardly ever raises his voice. She has a subconscious fear of Tom yelling which never comes true.
• [24:43] When Amanda was growing up their dad would hover over them when they cooked. She kind of has cooking PTSD.
• [25:33] Amanda became a Christian in 2008. She surrounded herself with like-minded people that were able to lift her up. She also went to Al-Anon.
• [27:00] Being around people who don't judge her has played a part in her life hear it.
• [27:45] Al-Anon is the most common group for people dealing with the addiction of a loved one.
• [29:07] When alcoholics and addicts get clean and sober they have a lot to offer.
• [30:01] Boundaries with people around you are something that you need to learn every single day. Especially, for people to grow up around addicts.
• [30:54] Learn how to create clear boundaries and have someone hold you accountable to those boundaries.

Links and Resources:

Al-Anon